Review: Valient Thorr – Immortalizer

Valient Thorr – “Immortalizer”
(Volcom Entertainment)

Venusians landed on our planet in 1957, left the time stream, and returned in 2000, stuck here because Walt Disney stole their time machine 21 years before – that is the story of Valient Thorr.

Valient Thorr play insanely fast, balls-to-the-wall rock ‘n’ roll that moves with some groove. Once upon a time, they called rock that moved like this “boogie metal.” And, really, it’s hard not to listen to Immortalizer (especially on tracks like “Mask of Sanity”) and not see Southern girls in halter tops shaking it in daisy dukes. Their style’s reminiscent of Motorhead, Iron Maiden, et al, dealing with everything from space travel to conspiracies regarding the United States government. Valient Thorr prove that rock ‘n’ roll can have a conscience, but it can still manage to rock – a song like “Infinite Lives” compares war to video games, but points out the fact that there ain’t no cheat codes.

It’s not exactly sing-along material, but it’s intensely amusing and awesome, especially when the band takes on wrestling. It was only a matter of time – this many bearded men in denim and long hair were almost statistically required to perform a song in which a series of wrestling holds were recited like litany… and the track is even entitled “No Holds Barred.” It, much like the band, hearkens back to the days of the Confederacy of Scum, when acts like Antiseen and Cocknoose had songs like “Cosmo In the Sudan” (all about Abdullah the Butcher) and covered the Fabulous Freebirds’ entrance theme, “Badstreet U.S.A.”

I Hope the Ghosts of the Dead Haunt Yr Soul Forever