Mockery, pure and simple

Normally, I’d feel a bit weird about posting the complete text of an e-mail I received, but this message was so damned pompous, I felt I had to to share:

I’m writing to introduce you to Eliane Elias, a talented artist who am I sure you will be blogging about compulsively. Eliane weaves the rhythm of her Brazilian roots together with smoky, seductive vocals, sick yet subtle piano chops and powerfully emotional songwriting. On her latest offering, ‘Around The City’, she has hooked up with some of the hottest writers, producers, and DJs on the scene.

Red-hot producer Andres Levin (Latin-funk master known as the brainchild behind the
Afro/Latin/Hip hop fusion of Yerba Buena’s Island Life) infuses ‘Around the City’ with a funky tropical vibe that mixes bossa nova with a deep Latin groove. Eliane also collaborated with the songwriting trio Lauren Christy, Graham Edwards & Scott Spock -collectively known as The Matrix. This in-demand, writing/production team has co-written chart-topping and Grammy-nominated singles for artists like Liz Phair, Jason Mraz and Korn. Be sure to check out the remix of “Running” by DJ Strobe (who has remixed tracks for The Killers, Missy Elliot, Norah Jones, etc.) on Eliane’s MySpace page.

In addition to her 10 originals, the album features Eliane’s unique cover of the Tito Puente penned-Santana hit “Oye Como Va”, an inspired reworking of Bob Marley’s “Jammin”, and a playful version of Beck‘s “Tropicalia.” Residing in New York City, Eliane wrote this album with a ‘slice-of-life’ point of view giving a very real, snapshot-narrative of city life. ‘Around the City’ paints a vibrant portrait of an urban nightscape that can be both desperately lonely and exploding with energy.

The “blogging compulsively” line was correct. Everything else is pretty much blow it up your ass style PR work. The album is coming out on RCA Victor, which is pretty much an adult contemporary label. I do not like AC. Nope. Not Norah Jones, Jason Mraz, Jack Johnson… nope. Not my bag, baby.

And if you go to Ms. Elias’ MySpace page and take a listen, you’ll discover that when she reworks a Bob Marley cover in an “inspired” manner, it means it sounds like it’s an elevator music version. I.e., everything that made it interesting and enjoyable is stripped away, and left with nothing but the lyrics and a vague sense of the melody.

If this is what the hottest people on the scene have the ability to produce, I’ll stick with the unknowns and unwanted, thanks. When a “playful” version of Beck sounds like a Vegas lounge act sans wimsy, I think it’s obvious you are not “hip.” Do not sell me lite-FM as something cool and unique. I am not your PR puppet, asshats.

Bill Hicks – “Marketing and Advertising