Halloween horror marathon: Puppet Master

poster-puppet-masterWatching Puppet Master, you can assume one of two things regarding the plot: either it’s left unexplained because the writer and director trust in your intelligence, or because they had no ideas regarding the story beyond “Hey – killer dolls!” It’s one of those convoluted horror movies along the lines of Phantasm or Hellraiser, jamming in as many disparate points as possible: psychics, killer dolls, voodoo, witchcraft … really, really ridiculous mishmash of ideas. Puppet Master is a movie hell-bent on being strange, no two ways about it.

The plot is eventually revealed via an expository monologue, delivered by the least personable or talented of the bunch. Even then, it’s fairly vague, involving Egyptian secrets of animating objects. It may also contain the only sex scene I’d ever describe as “douche-y,” with dialogue that Ron Jeremy wouldn’t deign to utter. Once the puppets start wandering and attacking, though, who cares? The stop-motion is the highlight of Puppet Master. You’re watching this poorly-acted, dimly-lit, bit of schlock to watch living puppets attack and kill people (and possibly catch a glimpse of some naked ladies) not for a master class in Stanislavsky’s method. It’d be nice if there were more scenes of the puppets, and less shadows and Steady-Cam POV shots speeding down hallways. With all the panting, it’s hard to tell if it’s supposed to be a running puppet, excited dog, or masturbating midget’s perspective.

Too many deaths are implied. You see a puppet running at someone or raising an implement of death, but rarely do you see blood other than as a spray or smear. A shame, really. Who wants to watch a puppet vomit leeches onto a man’s chest? I wanna see stabbings, slicings, drillings, and the like – not some dude writhing with what looks like black gobs of phlegm on his stomach. Everything gets saved for the final few minutes of the movie, where the majority of the effects budget gets spent in an orgy of violence – and even that’s pretty anticlimactic.

Lots of promise with no fulfillment is what you get with Puppet Master, sadly. Everything gets done with a philosophy of “less is more,” with most violence and nudity implied, with the viewer all the while wanting “more is more.” If the plot’s weak, the acting bad, and photography dim, give the viewer some sex and violence. It eventually evens out.