Bawitdaba da bang da bang diggy diggy diggy

Poor Kid Rock. He hasn’t put out a real album in nearly three years, with only this February’s Live Trucker output. And we all know that live albums are merely a holding pattern for any artist, and a chance to make easy skrilla for shit you’re already getting paid for.

As interest in the music makes wanes, he reinvents himself. Rap-rock / rap-metal / whatever is dead (no matter how hard Fred Durst tries to make a comeback)? He puts out a ballad. Uncle Kracker steals that shine with “Follow Me”? Bob Ritchie becomes Bob Seger. And so on…

Anyhow, it appears that despite Rock’s statement that “even solid-gold pussy gets boring,” he’s gone and tied the knot with Pamela Anderson. You know who she is, and my repeating her “credentials” isn’t really going to get us anywhere. And what a catch he’s gotten! On-again, off-again relationship with her ex… Hepatitis C… enormous fake breasts… the fact that 95% of the world with Internet access has seen her deep-throating said ex (exes, if you count the Bret Michaels tape)… woo-hoo. Yeah. I can’t believe he waited this long.

However, I suppose I understand. He’s 35, probably wants to settle down. What better way to celebrate one’s whitetrashnicity than marrying a woman known for running down a beach in slow motion and taking off her clothes in magazines? And who has the previously mentioned enormous fake breasts.

Kid Rock’s starting to look a little long in the tooth, and the skinny wifebeater-wearing look only looks good for so long (as K-Fed‘s learned) before you start looking like a meth addict and attracting women who share the same physical appearance. Might as well marry your girlfriend while she still looks good in a bikini, and before her kids get too old to make her stop wearing one. Or, like Madonna, she has to start wearing a girdle to hold everything in.

The publicity in this has got to be great for the both of them, though. Not one, not two, not three, but four weddings? St. Tropez and Detroit so far, with Nasville and Malibu forthcoming. Malibu is “for the kids”, says Anderson. Ah, yes… mom’s marrying a man who looks like he sells cigarettes to junior high kids while wearing a tiny bikini. Although, I suppose that if she means “for the kids” she means “for the kids who are friends of my kids and beat off to pictures from my wedding”, then she’s 100% correct.

Kid Rock – “Feel like Makin’ Love
Kid Rock – “Cowboy
Kid Rock – “Bawitdaba
Kid Rock – “I Am the BullGod
Kid Rock & Sheryl Crow – “Picture