It ain’t white boy day, is it?

This is an afternoon for watching movies. The sky’s puring down buckets of fucking rain, it’s nice and cool, but not cold… the blinds are closed, the lights are off, my belly’s full of Burrito King tamales, and True Romance is playing on the tv. Seriously, now that I have another copy of this in the collection, I may have to physically restrain myself from watching it each and every day. It’s fucking perfect, and fills my heart with joy every time I see it.

True Romance is, perhaps, the best romantic movie ever. This is the movie that really, truly, made me fall in love with my wife. Any woman who will sit huddled on the couch with me, in my shitty bachelor apartment, freezing from the window leaks, while this movie plays, and stay riveted the whole time? And agree that it’s a love story, not an action movie? Of course we’d end up married.

Of course, the opening scene is what really sticks with me most of the time: “I always said, if I had to fuck a guy… I mean had to, if my life depended on it… I’d fuck Elvis.” You’d think that most women would fall head over heels stupid in love with any man who would say something as comedically revealing as that. Then again, maybe that’s just me putting my hopes in words.

And so begins a tale of love, drugs, murder, and, well… just a little bit of Elvis.

There are parts of that movie that are closer to showing real love than anything ever captured on celluloid, too, tho’. The scream ‘Bama makes when Clarence gets shot? Tears my fucking heart out every time. To quote The Princess Bride, “That is the sound of ultimate suffering.” It’s nothing short of brutal. It balances out the earlier scene in which Alabama and Clarence stop in the middle of a call to Ritchie so they can bang each other in a phone booth, somewhere in the desert. That’s the physical side of love… the tearing off of one another’s clothes, getting them off as quickly as you possibly can.

It’s all love, tho’… crying, laughing, fucking, screaming. The movie does a damn fine job of running the gamut of emotions in love. Yes, I said emotions in love. Love’s a feeling, an all-encompassing one at that. When you’re in love, everything else in incidental. And True Romance is probably the best depiction of true love. Ever.

the Big Bopper – “Chantilly Lace