Rock Star Journalist

One of the first bands I saw at South By Southwest this year was Municipal Waste. I’d heard the name, and about fifteen people had told me that I’d fucking love them if I listened to them. Well, they played at Red 7 the night before the music portion of the conference kicked off, and they were almost more of a draw than Naked Raygun.

Really, I’ve never seen a crowd go off like that. It was crazy and amazing, and full of finger-pointing, and “Headbanger Face Rip” was stuck in my head for two weeks afterwards. It’s fucking fun in the way that no band since Murphy’s Law has really been able to be. They sing about partying, beer, and thrashing, combining Suicidal Tendencies’ thrash, Murphy’s Law’s hardcore, and every Thrasher skate rock act ever. It’s a party.

Earache just issued The Art of Partying on picture disc, but deleted the regular vinyl - meaning you now have to pay too much money on eBay for a record that will actually play. A note to record labels: if you release a record as picture disc, you are morally obligated to release a regular vinyl version (colored is okay) for those of us who like to actually play our records, rather than just look at them. Picture discs are pretty, but they either sound like ass, or skip like crazy. Either way - you need to get The Art of Partying, either via eBay, compact disc, or shitty sounding (but pretty) picture disc.

Despite the fact that I lack any serious musical talent, I think I could be a pretty good frontman for a grindcore band. Especially the ones that seem to be in vogue with all the crust kids. You know - bands that have pseudo-ironic lyrics and songs that don’t clock in over 45 seconds. Bands with names like Raw Sewage, Anal Cunt, and Napalm Death, grunting into a microphone pretty much typify the genre. There’s also the extremely high-pitched flipside, where you’ve got a chick yipping over the same chugga-chugga machine riffs that sound like an unbalanced washer going through the spin cycle.

Of course, you can make all of your songs completely serious, calling them something like “The Reticence of Your Salvation Is My Destruction.” You say the song title, add another line such as “You can’t take this any further” and drag the end of “further” out into a grunted scream, then end with “ugh!” There’s your song. Five more of those, and you’ve got half a split 7″. Ten more, and it’s your own EP.

What to title the EP? You can’t call it Monkeys Ate My Penis, because that was a song on the split the band did with a jazz-fusion-crust act from Florida two years ago. Sample lyrics to “Monkeys Ate My Penis” (actually, all the lyrics to “Monkeys Ate My Penis”):

“Monkeys ate my penis
Monkeys ate my penis
Monkeys ate my penis
Shouldn’t have painted it yellow.”

It charted on a metal show on a college radio station in Oregon, if memory serves. Failing that, you do what the Ultimate Warriors did for a split on Moo Cow Records and devopte most of your songs to pop culture figures. “The Olson Twins” lyrics are nothing more than “Gremlin, you look like a gremlin.” In theory, you could devote an entire record to songs about Tom Selleck. You’d lead off with “Magnum, PI”:

“We love you Magnum
Not Higgins
Not Higgins
Not Higgins
We love your mustache
Thomas Magnum!”

Make sure it’s on vinyl, limited edition, and in some obsessive-compulsive amount of colored vinyl: 100 on red, 100 on white, 100 on marble purple, and 100 on black, with a test press on clear taupe. Now you’re ready to start your own grind band! Go forth and have fun.

the Ultimate Warriors - “Mr. Fuji’s Magic Dust“

This past Saturday, the [adult swim] presents tour came through KU’s Kansas Union Ballroom. Being as I’m all hooked up and such, I got to interview Metalocalypse / Home Movies creator and Dethklok frontman Brendon Small for KJHK’s news program, As Heard From the Hill. It was amazing. Amazingly short, too - I only had half an hour to do the thing, and that included getting him from the Union to the station with a football stadium full of people in between them.

However, I think it turned out damn well, and my producer, Annie, made it sound like it ought to be on NPR. Take a listen and see what you think.

It certainly sounded better than the concert itself. It was the band performing, dimly lit, in front of a screen showing all sorts of Metalocalypse clips, and while a thrill and a fucking half to experience, it could have been better. The vocals were almost lost in the mix, the guitars were far too loud, and the bass was heart-stoppingly painful. It was also in a ballroom, so sound was bouncing around the less than acoustically perfect room. Fun as hell, and the crowd was 100% into it, but not the best sounding performance I’ve ever been to.

Brendon Small interview

Slough Feg is at the Replay tonight. I’m already seeing the Lawrence Arms and American Steel Friday night (got someone to cover my show, too!), as well as Dethklok Saturday night. Considering that I’ve got a few singles on hold at Love Garden, to say nothing of some homework that could stand to be caught up on, it’d be smart to stay home.

The band is supposed to be pretty fucking amazing, tho’. Scary amazing - as in the band is kind of freaky. They play metal that’s akin to the more Tolkien-inspired Led Zeppelin tracks, but with storylines like Coheed & Cambria (except they don’t annoy the fuck out of me). A less abrasive, but equally epic version of Mastodon, basically.

Does that make any sense? Probably not.

I still want to fucking see them, though. Stupid early morning days coinciding with late night shows.

Slough Feg mp3 page with scads of sounds.

from Blood Mountain:
Mastodon - “Circle Cysquatch”
Mastodon - “Sleeping Giant“

Various Artists – “Warped Tour 2007”
(SideOne Dummy)
Artists who have played the Warped Tour, both past and present, are what make up this two-disc set. It’s somewhat biased towards SideOne Dummy artists, but that’s not too terribly surprising - I mean, really, it is SideOne’s comp.

There’s a lot of screamo going on, but “real” punk rears its head from time to time with tracks by artists like Only Crime and Street Dogs, as well as some ska from Big D & the Kids Table and two-tone stalwarts the Toasters. It’s not like much of this is going to be “unreleased” by summer’s end (the Gogol Bordello track isn’t off their forthcoming Super Taranta!, however).

Granted, given enough time and energy, you could track most of these songs down on various label sites and have this compilation pretty much for free. As a matter of fact, almost all of the Warped Tour comps have been that way for about the last six years. Still, even though most of the tracks are either off forthcoming releases or already-released albums, it’s certainly a handy-dandy primer towards the current punk kids’ listening habits.

Only Crime - “Take Me”
Poison the Well - “Letter Thing”
Strung Out - “Calling“

New pictures over at Rock Star Photography. Shots are up from last night’s show with the Hemorrhoids and Raw Sewage at the Replay. Fun show, especially when you consider that both bands probably played a sum total of 45 minutes. That’s what you get when you mix punk and thrash in one show… 30 songs in 45 minutes.

Final Summation and the extremely last-minute, show-saving Eyes Like Headlights played back on June 4 for a Sunglasses After Dark sponsored show, and photos are up from that show, as well. It was originally supposed to be Final Summation opening for the Dollyrots, but

the band ended up bagging most of their Midwest dates. Eyes Like Headlights filled in at the last moment, and the show ended up turning out pretty well.

Speaking of Sunglasses After Dark (every Friday night, 10pm-midnight Central Standard Time on KJHK 90.7FM), we’re sponsoring another show, this time at the Jackpot Saloon. It’s featuring the pop-punk styling of the Havok On Polaris, the dirty rock of the Rich Boys and cow-punkers Young Livers. It’s July 18, and looks to be a frickin’ blast.

the Havok On Polaris - “Matter Of Fact”
Young Livers - “You Better“

Klaxons - “Myths of the Near Future”
(Polydor Records)
Well, goddamn… these little British bands keep makin’ you want to dance, don’t they? It seems that Klaxons have delved even deeper into the realm of booty-shaking music than Arctic Monkeys, or even the Fratellis. Granted, whereas the other two groups seem content to put a little groove in their basslines, Klaxons seem to have gone full-tilt into rave country. You feel as if you might want to break out a pacifier and glowstick, then throw on pants fifty times too big for you. You might find Myths of the Near Future a trifle shallow, but by the time the sirens kick in mid-way through “Atlantis to Interzone,” you’re too busy dancing to really care.
Download “Atlantis to Interzone” (demo) Courtesy Klaxons Music Fansite

Chasing Victory - “Fiends”
(Mono Vs. Stereo)
Christian hardcore act Chasing Victory is this close to being cool. They have the eerie, serial-killer looking dude on the cover of Fiends, and the whole album looks like it was put together by whomever does art direction for Poison the Well. The riffs on “Chemicals (King of the Carp)” fucking rip. The only thing is that the band just comes off as trying too hard. I know that calling a band out over something like this is pretty lame, and pretty much denotes a lack of effort on my part, but Fiends looks so much the part of the emocore / screamo compact disc that it verges on parody. The band could be really good, but I’d be much more likely to notice if I wasn’t snickering at the song titles with their subtitles. The vocals are also really weak. With the exception of “Chemicals,” I never even noticed this cd was playing.

Up the Empire - “Light Rides the Super Major”
(The Cougar Label)
Y’know… Up the Empire reminds me of a whole lot of bands, but none so much that I can specifically bring any of them to mind right now. They’re that band that reminds you of all sorts of stuff that you like, but not so much that they’re ripping anyone off. Light Rides the Super Major is super-poppy keyboard-powered indie rock with a light dance influence. Sure, that sounds kind of bland, but the fact that you can’t point out any specific riff, bassline, or drum fill as coming from any specific artist pretty much speaks well of the band’s originality. It’s super happy fun music that will make summer drives to the beach, pool, bbq, cookout, kegger, or what-have-you that much more happy and fun.

C.W. Stoneking – “King Hokum”
(Voodoo Rhythm)
Kitchen sink blues – as in “everything else but.” R. Crumb & His Cheap Suit Serenaders would be a good touchstone for anyone trying to figure out whence comes C.W. Stoneking. It’s sort of a ragtime meets blues meets hillbilly boogie record, and the pedigree is incredibly bizarre - born in America, raised in Australian outback, and playing blues. It’s a distinctly unique album that sounds like it was recorded 70 or 80 years ago, and only recently unearthed from a trunk in someone’s attic. Should he ever wander over Stateside, one could see him sitting down alongside the White Ghost Shivers and everyone getting along famously.
Download “Bad Luck Everywhere You Go“

Dntel – “Dumb Luck”
(Sub Pop)
Three years since the Postal Service made Jimmy Tamborello some serious cash, and six years since the last Dntel album raised some heads, we’re back with bloops and blips and various pretty sounds. The guest vocals are pretty cool, I suppose – Jenny Lewis of Rilo Kiley and Conor Oberst guest on a track each, and the album is pretty cohesive, despite a different singer on each track. It’s just that I could stand to see the whole Dntel thing expanded somewhat. The guy’s been making the same album for the past six or seven years, and while it’s a good one each time, Tamborello could stand to get outside his comfort zone every now and then.
Download “Dumb Luck“

Goddamn, kids. The hot news today seems to be the fact that Ozzfest tickets are going to be free this year. The tour, with headliner Ozzy Osbourne the only announced act, will simply try and get their corporate sponsors to pony up a little more dough.

There’s been no announcement as to how fans will get tickets. I’m imagining a lot of radio station giveaways, as well as the inevitable corporate tie-ins - i.e., buy four cases of Pepsi and redeem the UPC codes for entry. It’s really not a bad idea, considering the Warped Tour has been sponsored by Vans shoes for the entirety of its existence. The tie-in sponsorships with things like Yoo-Hoo and Peta have allowed the tour to keep its prices below forty bucks, when Ozzfest’s top-tier tickets went for as much as $150 last year.

Car companies sponsor tours every year, as well as the inevitable cell phone providers. It’s not like this a new thing, since New Found Glory and Blink-182 have both had corporate sponsors to offset touring costs, and even the Innocent, a Christian rock tour was sponsored by Suzuki.

However, the trick for the Osbournes and co. will be to not have the show’s image of it being “fucking metal” (as a friend of mine once put it) lost. If your main stage is sponsored by a beer company, your fans won’t give two flying fucks. Rum? No bid whoop. Mike’s Hard Lemonade? You might have issues… especially if the show is free to fans and those running the tour.

There’s a serious possibility for abuse with sponsorship. There’s no gate to count, or even worry about, so that whole problem is eliminated from any tour rider. Even if the sponsors pay enough to cover tour’s operational costs, I don’t imagine they’ll go past it. And that means this quote from Sharon Osbourne seems a little ominous:

“She added that she didn’t expect bands to ‘tour all summer for nothing,’ but invited them to simply ‘come out and play a date or two. They can sell their T-shirts, CDs and whatever else they’ve got,’ she said.”

Yeeeeeeeeeah… that’s going to result in a good tour. No band’s going to sign up for a tour without any guarantee of gas money unless they’re unestablished. Getting to open for Ozzy plus merch sales sounds like a good idea for a band that’s only sold fifty copies of their demo. However, when you’ve sold 100,000 copies of your latest album and sold out a 1500-seat venue, it probably sounds like a bum deal.

It should be interesting to see how this all turns out.

Ozzy - “Crazy Train”
Ozzy - “No More Tears“

There are many music educational methods but practice is very important no matter what.

The Briggs – “Back To Higher Ground” (SideOneDummy)
This is the first SideOneDummy full-length from the Briggs, following up their debut EP Leaving the Ways. They sound an awful lot like Rancid, the Dropkick Murphys, and Stiff Little Fingers. Anthemic, sing-along punk rock for fist pumping and stage diving. It’s not breaking any new ground, but they do what they do well, and it’s catchy as all hell. The last track, “Don’t Care”, is an epic tune that is probably the best thing the band’s done to date.
Watch the video for “Wasting Time.”

Moire – “Public Execution” (Mind Machine)
Moire = Metal. Brutal, double kick drum, machine gun guitar, guttural vocal metal. Pure and simple stuff, with no freaky samples, no keyboards, or any of that excess bullshit. The music’s fast, furious, and designed to make you punch your nearest neighbor in the face. Maybe do a little moshing in the living room. Or car moshing… car moshing’d be super sweet with this record. Local, Kansas City bred metal that sounds a hell of a lot better than the usual crap that’s spawned from Slipknot-listening douchebags in OP.

Kottak – “Therupy” (Escapi Music)
So, Kottak is fronted by the drummer from the Scorpions and the drums are done by Tommy Lee’s sister. Needless, to say, this is not a good thing. Don’t we remember what happened when Phil Collins went solo? Yeah… singing drummers equal bad. There’s a “Green Day meets Cheap Trick” blurb sticker on the cover that is the most blatant case of false advertising I’ve ever seen. Kottak sounds nothing like either band. In fact, they’re pretty banal, craptastic rock that would have been huge ten years ago. Basically, they really want to be punk, but come off sounding more like cheesy hair metal.
Listen to “The Song That Won’t Go Away.”

The International Playboys – “Cobra Blood Hangover” (Australian Cattle God)
The finest rock ‘n’ roll ever to venture forth from Missoula, Montana. The Playboys know how to bring the trash rock ‘n’ roll. As a matter of fact, they’d be right at home with any band on Gearhead or Dead City. I could go on and on about how much this album is amazing, but you can just spin it your own damn self and see. My take on this record is that any band who shouts “Guitar!” before a solo gets ripped can do no wrong. That’s about the greatest rock ‘n’ roll cliche ever, and it still never gets old.
Download “The Life and Times of Monty Carlo“.

Bright Light Fever – “The Evening Owl” (Stolen Transmission)
Oh, the kids’ll fucking love this. A Hot Hot Heat style backing band with Killers type vocals? Dear sweet lord, if this isn’t blowing up MySpace right now, I’ll eat this review. Anyhow, Bright Light Fever sounds like a ska band that went indie dance rock (see also: the Impossibles). Granted, that’s not exactly a bad thing. They’ve got a strong sense of melody, and the songs are enjoyable as all hell. You’ll love it until the Buzz starts playing it, then you’ll disavow any knowledge of ever having played it, unless it’s to dismissively state “Well, I liked them before they were big.”
Listen to tracks on their Purevolume page.

Well, sorry for this being a day late. I got all caught up with school and my new radio show and music staff over at KJHK that I plumb forgot to do a podcast this week.

For that I am sorry. I imagine you all are somewhat upset with me, and feel the need to give your frustrations sufficient voice. For that reason, I give you this podcast. I’m in a great mood, and I just feel like yelling.

Expect some new rants and reviews and such coming this week. I’ve got the next two days off work, a stack of brand-spankin’ new music, and some notes that bear turning into posts. So, in theory, I might not have to take a day off this week, as I’ve been doing lately. I just have to build up a backlog for the slow days… which requires transription, something of which i’m not a big fan. Pray for me.

Track listing:
The Bronx - Bats!
Converge - Eagles Become Vultures
AFI - Third Season
Deftones - Bored
Sick Of It All - Step Down
I Killed The Prom Queen - Sharks In Your Mouth
H2O - Family Tree
Comeback Kid - All in A Year
Suicide Machines - In The End
Blood For Blood - All This And More
Pantera - Drag The Waters
Dethklok - Birthday Dethday
Reggie & the Full Effect - What the Hell is Contempt
Soulfly - Eye For An Eye
Poison the Well - Slice Paper Wrists
Guns ‘n’ Roses - My Michele
Stretch Arm Strong - For The Record
Coalesce - You Can’t Kill Us All
Avenged Sevenfold - Bat Country

Bonus mp3:
H2O - “Family Tree“