Rock Star Journalist

Much as it wants to be cool, the vampire rock ‘n’ roll horror comedy Suck fails to engage the viewer enough to be anything other than perfunctory. The flick, in a nutshell: Jennifer, bassist for the Winners, gets bitten by a vampire, and then proceeds to live an existence that’s meant to be an allegory for musician drug addiction.
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So, the Oscars fucked up in ways other than not nominating the Dark Knight for best picture or best director when they snubbed Springsteen for a nomination. Two tracks from Slumdog Millionaire, but the Boss gets ignored? Surprising, especially considering he won the Golden Globe.

Shit, I’m not the biggest Springsteen fan, or really much of anything past casual enjoyment. But “The Wrestler” is one of those songs where the lyrics fit the film so well, I actually enjoyed listening to what was playing over the end credits.

The Academy usually fucks up somewhere, but it appears this year is rather impressive in its omissions. Good goin’, old fogeys. You’ve once again shown a total lack of vision when it comes to quality. The Wrestler was one of those movies that hit every note perfectly. The casting was amazing, with Mickey Rourke completely inhabiting the role of Randy the Ram. Marisa Tomei is both tragic and beautiful, and the plot… well, wrestling’s pretty close to my heart in terms in of things I love, and this is the fictional equivalent of Beyond the Mat. It was the first film I saw this year, and it’s going to be difficult to top.

Dammit - Patton Oswalt better not have had anything to do with this. I know he’s gone a little Oscar nutty, but he’s one of the few people in the Academy I feel I can trust.

Bruce Springsteen - “the Wrestler“

Sorry about the lack of a post yesterday. I’m in full-on midterm paper mode, and trying to get shit done before going to New York next week. In an attempt to write about something other than music or literature for once, I farmed out my talents for a Top 10 Slapstick Horror Movies list over at Scene-Stealers.

So, check that out, enjoy it, and I’ll be back later this week with reviews of the Teenage Bottlerocket show Wednesday at the Record Bar, the new Clash Live at Shea Stadium release, and some other stuff. I’m trying like mad to get a six page paper done, so no promises.

Rob Gillaspie (aka Scary Manilow, frontman for Lawrence’s garage / surf quartet the Spook Lights) has been making a movie these past few months entitled It Starts With Murder. Being as how he’s halfway through the filming process, he’s put together a teaser trailer that will leave you desirous for more. Panting, yearning, aching for more, even. You’ll have to wait until October, however. So, without further ado, here is the trailer for the debut production from Scarum Harem.

*In the interest of full disclosure, I must confess that I did some work on the film last weekend as an extra.*

Here’s a bonus scene from the film, as well.

And some tunes from the Spook Lights to get you in the mood…
“Night of the Queerwolf”
“Nudie Watusi”
“Sleazetopia”
“Teenage Maniac“

Goddammit, why didn’t anyone tell me they were making an animated version of DC’s New Frontier? I didn’t know anything about this until I read it over at Popcandy this evening. Crap. Now I’ve got a DVD, two trade paperbacks, and a series of action figures to purchase.

Jesus, DC… as if Vertigo and Y: the Last Man, Preacher, Transmetropolitan, American Virgin, 100 Bullets, et al hadn’t sucked up enough of my hard-earned cash, now you’re making quality direct-to-DVD movies?

Fuckers.

Donovan - “Sunshine Superman“ (courtesy the Punk Guy)

Click the link above and go to Everyone Loves Cox, where you can get AIM icons, holiday cards, and watch a ton of promo clips for Walk Hard. Seriously, the more stuff I see from this movie, the more I want to see it. Case in point - the “smoking reefers” scene below.

Various Artists - “Walk Hard soundtrack”
(Columbia Records)

Damn. Despite what you would have guessed from Boogie Nights, John C. Reilly can sing – and well, too. As Walk Hard’s Dewey Cox, he sounds an awful lot like Chris Isaak, actually. This soundtrack covers every style of music from the mid-50s to late 70s, and you can tell what artists are getting skewered on every track.

Johnny Cash takes the brunt of it during the first half (even his duets with June Carter gets hit with “Let’s Duet,” which is one of the few outright “funny” songs on the album), with everyone from Little Richard (“(Mama) You Got To Love Your Negro Man”), Jim Croce (“Dear Mr. President”), and Bob Dylan (“Royal Jelly”, which is the absolute most spot-on, hilariously ridiculous Dylan take ever) getting it as the record goes on. The disco cover of Bowie’s “Starman” is painfully funny, as well. They managed to get folks like Marshall Crenshaw, Mike Viola, and Van Dyke Parks involved in this, and it’s on Columbia, Johnny Cash’s old label. Thus, this is another Judd Apatow vehicle that’s gonna make a pantload of money.

A couple of weeks back, the wife and I were looking for a copy of either Dethklok’s Dethalbum or the first season of Metalocalypse at Best Buy. Okay, to be fair, I was looking for either of those, and the wife was putting up with my search of every store in town that sold DVDs.

Of course, Dethklok-related merchandise wasn’t available anywhere. Totally fucking sold out. However, in an attempt to boost my morale in a way that didn’t involve blowing money meant for the electric bill on a Nintendo DS, I picked up a couple other DVDs that were on sale for half price.

One of them was an old favorite from when my mom and dad used to let my siblings and I rent videos on the weekend: The Monster Squad. I had a bootleg of it on DVD-R, but I hadn’t watched but halfway a couple years ago. It was dark, and pretty grainy - kind of like watching a YouTube video on the big screen. So, I figured, what the hell, it was probably worth nine bucks, bought it, took it home, and slapped it on the shelf.

Since I needed something to do while I was working on a couple of papers for my fiction writing class, I threw it in the dvd player about a week later. My original thought was that I’d look up at my favorite scenes (”Wolfman’s got nards!”, “Scra-aps,” “Have you ever… been dorked?”) and otherwise ignore it while I knocked out some pages. Surprisingly, it was good. Not “so bad it’s good” kind of good, but genuinely entertaining. The kids act the way we did when I first saw the movie - foulmouthed, into things that are gross and sick, and borderline abusive to your friends.

Come to think of it, things haven’t really changed that much for me.

Still, the movie’s special effects (with the exception of the bats on strings) hold up, the story’s fun, and it even has a wonderful ’80s montage as the Squad gets ready to do battle. It has everything a kid wants in a comedic horror film. Seriously, there’s nothing I wanted more as a kid than to see violence, funny stuff, and monsters. That still holds true.

Freaky weird tidbit: Michael Sembello, who wrote the song “Rock ‘Til You Drop” that plays over the montage, also wrote “Maniac” from Flashdance, which was itself inspired by the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

“Monster Squad Theme”

Michael Sembello - “Rock ‘Til You Drop” (courtesy of the Manchester Morgue)

This is an afternoon for watching movies. The sky’s puring down buckets of fucking rain, it’s nice and cool, but not cold… the blinds are closed, the lights are off, my belly’s full of Burrito King tamales, and True Romance is playing on the tv. Seriously, now that I have another copy of this in the collection, I may have to physically restrain myself from watching it each and every day. It’s fucking perfect, and fills my heart with joy every time I see it.

True Romance is, perhaps, the best romantic movie ever. This is the movie that really, truly, made me fall in love with my wife. Any woman who will sit huddled on the couch with me, in my shitty bachelor apartment, freezing from the window leaks, while this movie plays, and stay riveted the whole time? And agree that it’s a love story, not an action movie? Of course we’d end up married.

Of course, the opening scene is what really sticks with me most of the time: “I always said, if I had to fuck a guy… I mean had to, if my life depended on it… I’d fuck Elvis.” You’d think that most women would fall head over heels stupid in love with any man who would say something as comedically revealing as that. Then again, maybe that’s just me putting my hopes in words.

And so begins a tale of love, drugs, murder, and, well… just a little bit of Elvis.

There are parts of that movie that are closer to showing real love than anything ever captured on celluloid, too, tho’. The scream ‘Bama makes when Clarence gets shot? Tears my fucking heart out every time. To quote The Princess Bride, “That is the sound of ultimate suffering.” It’s nothing short of brutal. It balances out the earlier scene in which Alabama and Clarence stop in the middle of a call to Ritchie so they can bang each other in a phone booth, somewhere in the desert. That’s the physical side of love… the tearing off of one another’s clothes, getting them off as quickly as you possibly can.

It’s all love, tho’… crying, laughing, fucking, screaming. The movie does a damn fine job of running the gamut of emotions in love. Yes, I said emotions in love. Love’s a feeling, an all-encompassing one at that. When you’re in love, everything else in incidental. And True Romance is probably the best depiction of true love. Ever.

the Big Bopper - “Chantilly Lace“

Well, on Saturday, one of the Nuthouse’s finest, Craig J. Orkwis, proposed to his girlfriend of nearly eight years, Sarah Toole. We here at Rock Star Journalist (meaning, me- Nick- and my sidekick “Classy” Freddie Blassie action figure) wish them the best of luck.

I actually missed hearing the news in person by about five minutes. Had I not given in to the ravenous hunger pangs coming from my stomach, I would’ve gotten to see Sarah freak out and wave her left finger around like it had the cure for cancer. But I missed it. Dammit.

Being as how I’m a married, you’d think that I would have some sort of clever witticisms regarding how he’s gonna give up sex and blowjobs and funtimes… however, I won’t have been married even a half year until the 10th, so what the fuck do I know? Nothing, that’s what. The Vandals, however, have a wonderful song on The Quickening that seems to sum up all of the marriage thoughts most guys have when their male friends get married…

Marry Me
Young girl says to her mom,
“How did you know that father was the one?”
Then mom just rolls her eyes
She says, “You’ll find that special guy”
But to herself she cannot lie
She says, “I’m praying for the day I die
And they bury me”

For the rest of your awful life
She is your lawful wedded wife!
Do you take this women?
Indubitably I don’t!

the Vandals - “Marry Me”

And, from the Princess Bride, Peter O’Toole’s marvelous speech as The Priest on the subject of matrimony.